A new perspective on the teenage years

As parents, we can get frustrated with our teenage kids during the transition phase of adolescence, and end up in a relentless power struggle, as well as place of judgment. Daniel Siegel, in this 13 minute video clip, provides the facts of what is actually happening as the teenage brain develops and how to support this creative and transformative stage of life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLULtUPyhog

Hungry for Change

Last night, I viewed a great documentary called "Hungry for Change" - I took away a lot from it, and it has helped to increase my awareness about food choices. The film talked about shifting your paradigm from, “I want that and can’t have it” to, “I can have it but I don’t want it.” This shift in thinking is very empowering. It can be applied to different issues in our lives, whether they be our role as "pleaser," tendency to enable, or addiction to substances, negative thoughts, toxic/depleting relationships.

For more, check this link: http://www.hungryforchange.tv

Emotions need to be "digested" too

Just as we "digest" food in our bodies, for good health we also need to "digest" our emotions and feelings. Some of us may have the tendency to sweep feelings under the carpet, or to tell ourselves to "get over it." This build-up of undigested stuff could be contributors to a sense of anxiety and/or depression, and can be in the way of a healthy well-being. In his book When the Body Says No, Gabor Mate notes: "The gut, or intestinal tract, is much more than an organ of digestion. It is a sensory apparatus with a nervous system of its own, intimately connected to the brain's emotional centres."

I found this article in the link below very interesting, by author Vaishali who talks about "The Physical Dynamics of Emotion  – how emotions travel through the body, what emotions stress and undermine which organs and how unresolved emotional experiences can literally get trapped inside the body."

http://www.purplev.com/mediakit/archives/834

Immigration and Adaptation

This week I presented an "Adaptation to Canada" talk at the "Welcome to Canada" series organized through the Central Vancouver Island Multicultural Society.  When we relocate to a new country or city, many stress factors come into play,  i.e. navigating job search; cultural/language differences; new friendships/relationships. In addition, we are grieving the family/relationships, country or city/hometown we just left behind.  The settlement period can take anywhere from 1 - 5 years or more. This period can be challenging, and depression, anxiety, and grief can set in. Healthy ways of coping include self care and physical exercise, building a routine, initiating contact with new friends, and resourcing/asking for help.

http://canadianimmigrant.ca/settling-in-canada/the-3-stages-of-re-settlement

Are you overscheduled?

Our modern society seems to thrive on activity, accomplishments, "being on the go." The costs include the following: running on adrenaline, running on empty, lack of rest and restoration, and being out of balance. Check out this quiz to see if you are suffering from being overscheduled? This link also includes useful information about sleep, stress, diet, self care, and assertiveness.

http://stress.about.com/library/overscheduled/bl_overscheduled_quiz.htm

"Pausing" to break old habits...

I am familiar with that tendency towards my own auto-pilot, i.e. reacting in a particular way to someone close to me (getting angry, or avoiding). Pema Chodron, in her book Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears asks us to think about which wolf we want to feed -- the wolf whose stomach is full may be the vengeful and angry wolf, and yet we continue to feed it, instead of feeding the hungry wolf who is understanding and kind. She notes how "pausing" is very helpful in the process of breaking old habits, adding that her teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche used to say that we can approach our lives as an experiment: "In the next moment, in the next hour, we could choose to stop, to slow down, to be still for a few seconds. We could experiment with interrupting the usual chain reaction, and not spin off in the usual way. We don’t need to blame someone else, and we don’t need to blame ourselves. When we’re in a tight spot, we can experiment with not strengthening the aggression habit and see what happens."

http://www.tricycle.com/web-exclusive/pema-chodrons-emtaking-leapem

I feel "guilty"!

Many of us, including myself, have played the role of "pleaser" in order to be loved and accepted. We may be familiar with being guilt-prone and with living with the voice of "shoulds."

The following paragraph is excerpted from Wikipedia's description of Guilt (emotion):  {Alice Miller claims that "many people suffer all their lives from this oppressive feeling of guilt, the sense of not having lived up to their parents' expectations... no argument can overcome these guilt feelings, for they have their beginnings in life's earliest period, and from that they derive their intensity. This may be linked to what Les Parrott has called "the disease of false guilt... At the root of false guilt is the idea that what you feel must be true." If you feel guilty, you must be guilty.}

Here's a link that talks about how being guilt-prone is like having an "overactive smoke detector inside your head" and that the signal is often incorrect:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201308/the-curse-being-guilt-prone